tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4488489579200190002024-03-05T10:34:31.215-08:00Killing Me With Foodanamiahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17021360505020323240noreply@blogger.comBlogger135125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-448848957920019000.post-77999448366420674822017-02-09T15:35:00.000-08:002017-02-09T15:35:01.097-08:00A lot has changed...A lot has changed since I last wrote a post on here. Some for the better and some not.<br />
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For starters, I am no longer friends with my "best friend' or her bf (ex-bf now) they showed their true colors after he stole my laptop and changed his number on me. I was a real punch to the gut because these were people I thought were my family. Her and I knew each other for almost 7 years. Seven fucking years and at the end she threw me away like I was garbage.<br />
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I let them stay with me when they were homeless for a couple weeks, I gave her rides to the welfare office all the way in the city and I babysat for her whenever she needed me too. She did things for me also but nowhere near as much. I let him borrow my laptop because the one he had broke and he works in computer programming. I told him that I'd ask for it back when I needed it. Well, a few months go by and I'm getting ready to start school so I texted him asking for it back. He ignored my text. At this point, they were no longer staying with me and they had broken up. We all hung out occasionally though and were still on good terms for the most part. He had been living in my car, yes you read that right, in my car. He would sleep in my trunk (I have an SUV so it was spacious and easy to get out of) and a few months later he found a place and had money to move into it.<br />
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I was happy for him because he was like a brother to me and I never felt like he would betray me. After he ignored my text, I texted him again asking him to meet me so I can get my laptop. Still no reply. I texted my ex-bff and asked her what was up, she said she had no idea because they had a big fight and they were no longer on speaking terms.<br />
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A few months went by, I was constantly texting him, messaging him on fb, etc. I was hoping it was some big mistake because surely he wouldn't treat me this way after I did so much for him right? WRONG. I didn't just twiddle my thumbs for 2 months though. I worked my ass off and did everything I could to find out where he could be. I would've went straight to the cops but I didn't have the serial number for the laptop and it was just a generic hp. I contacted the company that I bought it from and explained the situation but they said that they didn't store the serial numbers of the laptops sold. I still asked for proof of ownership, just in case.<br />
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They sent me a paper saying all the general info of what kind of laptop and whatnot. It didn't really help because without the serial number there was no way to prove that the laptop he held was mine. I tried looking through every single account that I have to find the tracking info to see where it could be but he had signed out of all of my accounts a month prior. The tracking software on my hp was turned off as well.<br />
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I had all but given up hope when he viewed my linkedin account. Now, this may not sound like much to some, but I had been suspecting for a while that he was still homeless. Before he was staying with me, he was living outside of starbucks. I knew that he only had wifi access at starbucks and he stayed there from open to close everyday. So based on the probability that there was a 90% chance of him being there, I told my dad to get ready and we rushed over there. Sure enough, he was sleeping at a table with my laptop right there on the table. Needless to say, we got it back. My dad said loudly enough for everyone to hear, "We're here to get my daughters laptop back, you've had it long enough" just in case anyone thought that we were the ones stealing from <i>him. </i><br />
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After I got my laptop back, I checked to make sure it was still working correctly and the passwords were still the same. Everything was fine but it was dirty as eff so I had to clean it off.<br />
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I'll update why my ex-bff and I are no longer friends in a second part.anamiahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17021360505020323240noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-448848957920019000.post-73897961928343833242016-04-24T04:10:00.001-07:002016-04-24T04:10:45.784-07:00Moving out soon, hopefully!Hey guys (: so for the past month or so, I've been hanging out with my best friend and her boyfriend (who is like a brother to me) and they were going to get a place together and invited me to move in with them! It's amazing. I never got to buy that scale because I'm trying to save money for the move, which is extremely hard because I'm such shit when it comes to saving. <div><br></div><div>I haven't been eating much lately, but I've discovered a love for sunflower seeds. So instead of eating a bunch of food, I just snack on sunflower seeds all day and it keeps me satisfied. I'm not sure if I've lost weight, because like I said, I don't have a scale right now. I'm trying to cut out soda right now, I drink way too much and I'm so bloated that I look pregnant. Literally. It's so embarrassing. </div><div><br></div><div>I met a new coworker today, and she's a gym fiend. I invited her to come with me, and she said that she would love to! I'm excited. Hopefully we can start going together and she can help push me through my hurdles lol </div><div><br></div><div>Anyway, I'm heading to bed, just thought I'd update you guys. </div><div><br></div><div>Xoxo, </div><div><br></div><div>~anamia</div>anamiahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17021360505020323240noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-448848957920019000.post-43772740875696531592016-03-28T05:13:00.001-07:002016-03-28T05:13:12.327-07:00Easter festivitiesHey everyone, sorry I didn't update sooner, I had a rough day on Friday and decided to skip on work again. Saturday was bat-shit insane at work, I work retail and apparently everyone waits until Saturday to buy Easter clothes. It was a mad house, I was closing and we were there until midnight, even though we were only scheduled until 11:30pm. We didn't even get to finish fixing everything because it was such a disaster. <div><br></div><div>People are starting to get on my case about missing so much work, the thing with my depression though is that I just don't care. I give zero fucks about what's happening around me, I wouldn't even care if I got hit by a bus tomorrow, honestly. I'd probably be more grateful than anything else. </div><div><br></div><div>I actually didn't gain as much as I thought I did, I weighed in at 224.8 on Friday. My highest was around 227. During my hiatus, I fluctuated from 226 to 227 so seeing 224 is actually somewhat of a relief. </div><div><br></div><div>Yesterday was Easter, I tried not to eat too much because I don't need to gain any more weight. My mom made ham and Mac and cheese and some roasted vegetables. I ate some ham and Mac and cheese but the vegetables weren't my cup of tea. There's never any flavor to them when she makes them that way. The rest was good though. I need to stop drinking soda, I feel like it's really affecting my health in a negative way. I'm exhausted, I think I'm heading to bed now, it's 5am lol </div><div><br></div><div>Have a good day everyone (: </div><div><br></div><div>xoxo </div><div>-anamia</div><div><br></div><div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi9yN6ddT8FNJeoArAvkGzVqf2sWr_do0C7IIdrjjkYrSAKA3OJebu8oAYVIpyJgs5Q4GryFFMrpyQPy4NzUtsJEbDNm6qeHddGr2_3719zFW1Nd8zfxTgi9D7eeQ-PjTdIliPzS1-Q/s640/blogger-image--268886607.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi9yN6ddT8FNJeoArAvkGzVqf2sWr_do0C7IIdrjjkYrSAKA3OJebu8oAYVIpyJgs5Q4GryFFMrpyQPy4NzUtsJEbDNm6qeHddGr2_3719zFW1Nd8zfxTgi9D7eeQ-PjTdIliPzS1-Q/s640/blogger-image--268886607.jpg"></a></div><br></div><div><br></div><div><br></div><div><br></div><div><br></div><div><br></div><div><br></div>anamiahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17021360505020323240noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-448848957920019000.post-18282557137114793112016-03-25T05:10:00.001-07:002016-03-25T05:10:27.213-07:00Why I've been absent...So, I don't know if any of you know this, I think it's kind of obvious tbh but I suffer from really bad depression. Lately, I've been going through a very hard time, depression wise. I've been skipping out on work, I dropped out of spring quarter for college, I've been a complete mess and I've just been dealing with fucking up my life and all of that good stuff. <div><br></div><div>I do still have my gym membership, but to be honest, I haven't gone in a month. I was going with my friend but she moved to a different state, so now I only see her when she visits and then we go together. I do like going, I like working out but I just haven't been motivated to even get out of fucking bed in the morning (more like afternoon.) my depression has been so bad that I ended up cutting again. I haven't cut in a year or so but it just felt like.... relief? Like I released all of the pent up shit that I had been holding in. </div><div><br></div><div>I feel like a switch has been flipped in my head and now I don't want to eat anything, or I could always purge. I don't want to be a fat miserable fuck anymore. I tried eating healthy while I was away but it sucks. It would be way easier if I lived by myself because I just wouldn't buy all that fattening shit that my dad buys. Honestly, if it's there, I'm going to eat it. Without a doubt. I have zero self control. I wish they wouldn't fucking buy all the shitty chips and soda and sweets. It makes it so hard. I'm gonna try to do a "warm up" fast, but I'm not making any promises because I do have to work tomorrow and Saturday and I don't want to be all loopy. I might just fast through the day and then have a small meal before I go to bed. </div><div><br></div><div>I'm seriously so sick of this shit. I haven't weighed myself in forever but I'm 100% sure that I've gained since my last post. I'm disgusting. </div><div><br></div><div>The only time I ever truly <b>truly</b> felt sheer joy, just when I hit 139 pounds before high school. Seeing those numbers go down and breaking that plateau was probably the most amazing feeling! I'm leaving you guys with a motivational quote to kick your ass into gear (:</div><div><br></div><div>Update you tomorrow! </div><div><br></div><div>xoxo </div><div>-anamia</div><div><br></div><div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh2OXVuM197xZOhISHzV4kS45QbVx3wrK_8wXoPJhDemNQflw9X2eGGS2sCaTzDlNnHpH-pyp5z3guX-7TyaIcW_4c7CFShqJb1WdtcAH2l2ZUk2W1S7KpYBDZltXFv-X7uJ-7KajZD/s640/blogger-image--2020392329.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh2OXVuM197xZOhISHzV4kS45QbVx3wrK_8wXoPJhDemNQflw9X2eGGS2sCaTzDlNnHpH-pyp5z3guX-7TyaIcW_4c7CFShqJb1WdtcAH2l2ZUk2W1S7KpYBDZltXFv-X7uJ-7KajZD/s640/blogger-image--2020392329.jpg"></a></div><br></div><div><br></div><div><br></div><div><br></div><div><br></div>anamiahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17021360505020323240noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-448848957920019000.post-90606870021029220962015-11-07T02:59:00.001-08:002015-11-07T02:59:57.019-08:00Good progress so farHey guys! So my starting weight this time around was an embarrassing 226.4 lbs. 11/3/15 was when I cut out soda and I have to be honest with you guys, I did get fast food yesterday but I didn't get any soda. I logged all my calories though and the only think I ate yesterday was the hamburger and fries I got because that was a full days worth of calories D: I worked through the night at my job so I didn't have anything to tempt me (food wise) <div><br></div><div>Oh and I joined planet fitness! I got home around midnight or so and I went to my gym (it's open 24 hours) and I got all the forms filled out and whatnot and then I left because I wasn't prepared to work out right then. This morning when I weighed myself I was 121.6 lbs. so I've lost water weight and the bloat that I had from all the soda. I got a sandwich from 7-11 on my way home but I had burned enough calories during the day so it was fine to eat it. My daily calories according to My fitness pal is 1210. Sunday I'm going to go shopping at sprouts because I need a few things to prep my meals so that I'm not tempted to eat fast food so often. I ordered a food scale online along with some meal prep containers. I'm really excited you guys (: </div><div><br></div><div>My goal right now is to be 199 lbs within the next 3 months. So February 7, 2016 I want to be 199 lbs. My ultimate goal weight is to be 115-120 lbs but that's over 100 lbs from now so I don't want to look that far ahead yet. I'm kind of tempted to go to the gym right now. I work the night shift again tomorrow so I could go now and come home in time to fall asleep for 8 hours and then get ready for work tomorrow. We'll see. Alright guys well I'll keep you updated! Love you!</div>anamiahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17021360505020323240noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-448848957920019000.post-4583449543116663162015-11-03T08:10:00.001-08:002015-11-03T08:10:40.994-08:00Moving in the right directionI have decided that I am either going to join a gym or get a treadmill for myself. A planet fitness has just opened up a few blocks from my house and I've been debating whether or not to sign up. They're having a $1 startup for their black card membership right now so I might do that but after that it's $20 a month and it has a 12 month commitment. I'm not sure I could afford that honestly. I might just sign up for their $10 membership instead. <div><br></div><div>My dad said he's going to buy me inline rollerskates for Christmas and I'm really excited! I loved rollerskating as a kid and I know that it's a decent workout so I can't wait to start rollerskating again! I'm so huge right now, I hate it. I have been eating tons of fast food and drinking tons of soda and I just need to stop. </div><div><br></div><div>I realized that I would be a lot fatter if I liked sweet things (cake, cookies, etc) thank god I'm more of a savory person! I know what my weaknesses are and I need to tackle them if I'm ever going to lose this weight. </div><div><br></div><div>My weaknesses: </div><div><br></div><div>1. Soda- </div><div><br></div><div>I drink maybe a liter of soda every fucking day and that needs to just stop. I don't even know if I have diabetes but I hope not. If I keep living like this, I am going to get diabetes and heart disease and I will die at a young age. I need to stop killing myself because I have a life to live and this isn't the body that I want to do it in. </div><div><br></div><div>2. Portion Sizes- </div><div><br></div><div>They don't even exist to me. My portions are huge, it's pretty much "I could probably eat that whole pizza," so I end up eating a whole frigging pizza! It's disgusting. The pizza I buy is 2500 calories for the whole thing and that's only for one "meal!!!" </div><div><br></div><div>3. Fast Food- </div><div><br></div><div>Almost everything about fast food is unhealthy. The healthy things on fast food menus are foreign to me because I always go for the full fat, full grease, high caloric burger. I spend so much money on fast food every month, I could be saving that money and buying exercise equipment or save for my college textbooks! McDonald's recently introduced the all day breakfast menu and I'll drive through the drive-thru at 3am and get a sausage mcmuffin. I should be sleeping, not stuffing my face with a 500 calorie sandwich!</div><div><br></div><div>There's a lot more that I need to work on but until I can afford doing what I want to do, I need to focus on my diet. </div><div><br></div><div>No more tomorrow's, I'm doing it now!</div><div><br></div><div><br></div>anamiahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17021360505020323240noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-448848957920019000.post-1990722538888359352015-06-10T02:49:00.001-07:002015-06-10T02:49:28.764-07:00BirthdayToday is my birthday. You think that I'd feel more excited. 19 woohoo big frigging deal. I'm still a giant waste of space. anamiahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17021360505020323240noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-448848957920019000.post-22193828653086756252015-06-09T06:51:00.001-07:002015-06-09T06:51:12.843-07:00MorningMorning ladies and gents, I haven't slept since 5pm yesterday. I'm probably not going to get any sleep because I start work in a few hours. I'll probably pick up some coffee to keep me awake. I don't really want to deal with shitty people all day, especially this early in the morning, but it's what I'm paid to do so whatever. <div><br></div><div>I'm stressed out about college that I haven't even started yet. My birthday is tomorrow and I'm just bummed as shit. Birthdays always mean food. My best friend is already talking about a Chinese food and movie night. I need to start some boot camp training or something. I want to work my ass off until there is nothing left and then keep working. I need to. </div>anamiahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17021360505020323240noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-448848957920019000.post-2930958012605686522015-06-08T07:47:00.001-07:002015-06-08T07:47:58.069-07:00Back againI wish I didn't have to live anymore. I am tormented by the thoughts in my own freaking head and it is so hard just to get through the day. I reached my highest weight ever 226 and lost a few pounds with juice fasting. <div><br></div><div>I don't know how much I weigh right now because I haven't stepped on a scale in a week. I'm going to try to do a water fast or maybe start the abc diet again. I just need to stop being a disgusting fatty for once. I hate myself. </div><div><br></div><div><br></div><div><br></div>anamiahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17021360505020323240noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-448848957920019000.post-1279151875222960392014-05-11T09:16:00.000-07:002014-05-11T09:16:30.812-07:00Only eating tomato and lettuce salads todayYesterday I was doing so good, I was functioning on 50 calories all day from my side garden salad and diet coke from mcdonalds with balsamic dressing. But of course Mother's Day which I completely forgot was today, a workday for my mom, so we celebrated last night my going to chili's bar and grill. I got a burger that came with homefries and immediately ordered a to go box. I cut everything in half, well not really I only ate 4 of the fries, but I cut the burger in half and got a diet coke with it. I figured that it wouldn't be THAT many calories, I mean it's just a burger right? WRONG. oh so wrong. After I had eaten half the fucking thing I tried to log it into myfitnesspal but no nutrition info came up, so I asked my waiter if he could bring me nutrition information and then went through this big hassle (my bad) of having to print it all up and bring it to me and do you know how many fucking calories are in the burger ALONE? 1550 fucking calories. Seriously. Do they cook their food in lard or something WTF. I was so glad that I had only eaten half of it but even half still pushed my calories sky high. I had never eaten at chili's before so I had no idea how fattening it was. To make matters worse, I was too tired to purge everything so I let that disgusting food soak into my body and I felt like such shit last night. I can't wait until my neighbor buys me smokes so that I won't need to eat at all anymore. I'm not even gonna weigh myself till tomorrow. Yesterday it was 192.6 and today I probably weigh 200 fucking pounds. I'm so pissed at myself. No food today except tomato and lettuce salad and maybe I'll do that for tomorrow too. Ugh I fucking hate myself. I'll post later if I can.anamiahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17021360505020323240noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-448848957920019000.post-13614049279298212062014-05-10T04:02:00.002-07:002014-05-10T04:02:36.190-07:00194.2Another two pounds gone! I've started purging more, everything I've eaten has gotten purged, except some strawberries. Yesterday when I was purging I got a sharp pain in my diaphragm and it hurt so bad I had to change positions and throw up another way. I feel lighter and it's such a good feeling. When I suck in my stomach you can see my ribs again. Today I walked another mile with my mom even though I was exhausted and not feeling too good; I got my ass out of bed and did it anyway. I feel accomplished now (: a little over a month and I should be looking way better than I do now.<br />
I passed my permit test and I was so excited, however when they took my picture I look so horrendously fat. Good lord I look like a freaking heffer. My face was absolutely huge and you could see my double chin, I'm so disgusting. I'm totally grotesque. I need to lose as much weight as possible.<br />
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I wish you better luck lovelies<br />
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xoxo<br />
~anamia~anamiahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17021360505020323240noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-448848957920019000.post-41100063921388295112014-05-08T21:11:00.000-07:002014-05-08T21:11:01.227-07:00Progress already! My starting weight this time around was 198.4 I think, I say I think because I've been on my period for 2 1/2 weeks already, but we'll just say that's my starting weight. And now here I am at 196.2!! Yesterday I had only 500 cals and today I kinda went crazy and had 650 cals but I purged right after and haven't eaten since. I think it helps that I sleep all day, this way I only feel hungry for a few hours then get right back to sleep. Also I was looking at thinspo today and it is really inspiring me! I'm getting ready to take a shower then I'm going to go walking with my dog. Oh yea that reminds me, the past two days I've been walking my dog a mile and yesterday my net calorie intake was 360! Woohoo! It's so easy to slip back into this again, it fits like a glove. I set a minimum calories burned at 100 for my walks so anything over that is better. I have my permit test tomorrow And I'm so nervous, I can't wait two weeks to take it again if I fail because I'm leaving in a month, literally.<br />
Please Pray for me y'all<br />
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I wish you pretty angels the best of luck on your journey<br />
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xoxo<br />
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~anamia~anamiahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17021360505020323240noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-448848957920019000.post-29158591946798836022014-05-07T09:57:00.000-07:002014-05-07T09:57:00.291-07:00I triggered myself?Recently my depression has gotten way worse; I sleep 18 hours a day or so, I started cutting again, I'm starting to restrict again and all of this happened because I got high three days in a row and got cross-faded (drunk and high) on the first day. This stupid decision of mine completely wrecked my emotional guards and borders that I keep up to keep myself from feeling anything. I started crying and ever since then I have been so depressed. Okay well that's not everything. My cousin kind of molested me? The people I told said it was no big deal but they were men so I don't think their opinion matters.<br />
Let me explain, I went to my big cousin J's house, where her (45-50) and her son (23) N live. I only went to see her because I don't really like N. I stayed there a few nights and on the second night, J and I started doing shots, and then N and I got high together. Now something you need to know is that N is high 24/7 that's not even an exaggeration. So I was beyond blackouts at this point, I can hardly remember most of the night honestly. But what I do remember is that I wanted to smoke another hit but he said that I would have to do something for it, I can't really remember and then like 5 minutes later or something I said that I wanted to get high and he took my hand and the next thing I knew I was fucking jerking him off?!?!? I don't fucking know how that happened because I blacked out but I remember going outside and getting high again. I was seriously fucked up and I don't even remember agreeing to anything! I just remember having this break in consciousness and all of a sudden I was in the laundry room with him and he was touching me and stuff so I don't know what the fuck happened. It was probably my fault or something but I don't remember anything and that freaks me out.<br />
I'm moving in a month hopefully if my boyfriend doesn't change his mind. I pray that he doesn't change his mind, I would be completely devastated. I'm gonna try to restrict to 500-600 calories a day until I move and then I'll be too poor to buy food at all so that's good. Sorry I haven't been updating I had to delete blogger off my phone along with all this other stuff because I only have 6 gigs of memory in my iPhone -___- but I'm gonna be updating a lot more now that my life has gone to shit.<br />
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Anyways<br />
I hope you have a lovely day<br />
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xoxo<br />
~anamia~anamiahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17021360505020323240noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-448848957920019000.post-11463605153677417152014-01-29T14:08:00.001-08:002014-01-29T14:08:44.622-08:00193.2 (:I know it's not a lot of weight for 4 days, but If I continue doing this then I'll be in the 180's in no time! Then the 170's and before you know it I'll be smashing that goal weight (: I can't wait to wear dresses and skirts and shorts and a bandeau top omg I'm excited. I hope that I can continue this while in college. I wonder what I'll look like in 5 months! :D lets say that I lose 5 pounds a week every week until June, that would be...too much weight lol. I'll probably go down to like 2-3 pounds a week as my body gets used to the food and then I'll have to start some exercise. So 3 pounds a week for approximately 20 weeks is 60 pounds!!! That's 20 away from my "goal weight" depending on how I Look I'll probably want to lose way more. I wonder how my boyfriend would react to seeing me that thin. The lowest weight I've been around him was 176-177 pounds. That was awful. But he still thought I was pretty even at my highest weight. He's a god send honestly I don't know what I would do without him. We've almost been together for 8 months now hehe ^___^ I can't wait to move in with him for college. He already got an apartment and the rent is only $500 a month!! So I'll be paying $250 for rent! Woohoo (: rent is so expensive here in the city so that's one of the reasons I'm moving 7 hours north into the country lol and of course to be with him <3 well lovelies I'll update more later (: wish me luckanamiahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17021360505020323240noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-448848957920019000.post-24089466105420814232014-01-25T10:34:00.001-08:002014-01-25T10:34:23.194-08:00195!Today I'm gonna go to the park with my mom and walk the track that they have there and use their exercise equipment (for free) then I'm going to drive to walmart and pick up a new Nutrisystem box so I can continue my weight loss journey (: I only have the veggies during lunch and I don't eat the in between snacks that they tell us to because I want to save calories. <div>Yesterday was the first time I drove on the freeway!! We went at 11:30pm so it wouldn't be too crowded and it was so much fun lol I don't have my license yet but I'm practicing so that I'll be ready (: I do fine driving on the streets but the freeway kind of gives me anxiety because everyone is going so fast. I need to break this fear so that I can move up north for college. I'll update y'all later (: and post a screenshot of my intake and exercise for the day. Here's to hoping (:</div>anamiahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17021360505020323240noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-448848957920019000.post-40574030687452192952014-01-23T20:56:00.000-08:002014-01-23T20:56:16.124-08:00196.4!!!I've lost 4.2 pounds so far guys! this morning I weighed in at 196.4 and that was only after 2 days on the diet! I think my stomach is shrinking because the portions are really small but I haven't been that hungry today. I even skipped my veggies with dinner tonight because I just wasn't that hungry. I save my dessert for later in the evenings because I know how I crave food at night. So far so good guys!<br />
Onto a relationship rant now. I told you guys how my ex cheated on me right? like a few months ago. He promised me that he wouldn't see her anymore, but today he went to the library for an hour to help her with her homework (with my permission) and it drove me absolutely crazy because he didn't text me back until right now and I was going crazy worrying that they were fucking or something but he said that he went home after an hour and clean out his car and then went with his grandparents to go see the wolf on wall street or whatever. but part of me doesnt believe him? i dont know. I'm just crazy right now. I'll update you guys soon<br />
<br />
xoxo<br />
~anamia~anamiahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17021360505020323240noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-448848957920019000.post-16742353795709252192014-01-21T16:29:00.001-08:002014-01-21T16:29:31.760-08:00NutrisystemHello lovelies, my mom recently started the Nutrisystem meal plan, and she bought me a box so I that I could do it with her. It's a 5 day plan, and they give you your weeks worth of food and the meal calendar and it's like $40 for a weeks worth of food, but it's sooo delicious Ohmygod it's really good food. So far I've only done breakfast and lunch for today along with one of the snack options. The meals that they prepare are average out at 700 calories and there's a good amount of food. It comes with get breakfast, lunch, dinner, and dessert and youre supposed to have 2 vegetable servings with<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;"> lunch and dinner. 1 serving is 1/2 cup cooked or 1 cup raw. So far it's going good. This morning I weighed 200.6 yea I know it's my new HW. Hopefully I'll lose weight on this meal plan.</span>anamiahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17021360505020323240noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-448848957920019000.post-78444074103545959232014-01-11T20:07:00.001-08:002014-01-11T20:07:10.907-08:00196.2!!Venturing on and it feels good y'all. I'm also trying to take care of my skin so that when I'm skinny I'll be a bombshell (: I have a problem with blackheads that I've had since I was little and it sucks so I'm trying to get a clean pore face lol <div>I haven't been able to sleep really because food is all I think about, especially at night which is when I tend to hover around the kitchen usually. So I end up falling asleep at like 7 am and sleep all day :/ it's so bad to sleep like this. I've been trying to drink 15 cups of water a day because that's what I need for my weight and it's been difficult to stay on top of that. But I'm trying so it's cool, I'll get there eventually. Slowly on my way to getting thin guys!!</div>anamiahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17021360505020323240noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-448848957920019000.post-31959942205699091562014-01-09T03:07:00.001-08:002014-01-09T03:09:19.307-08:00Day one down.I'm so excited! I didn't eat anything else for the day :D I wanted to eat more potatoes but I told myself no. I really want to lose that 80 pounds. I'm watching and reading and looking at trigger stuff to help me and I think I'm only gonna weigh in once a week because I don't want to get discouraged and get off track. I started up myfitnesspal again so I'll post a screenshot of my intake. <br><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiiXwit8D6mGvm4t891irn1-0wCfG3vt5dNj6oxO51JrA0tOJO85lHDy4c3eycJwrt4BI0AfZ-wQM-7y2apTyDu6lbVfJOHe8EplC7_icSSRFhricSRSBhJIhHVlLtIm720m5sMsJnY/s640/blogger-image--601080786.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiiXwit8D6mGvm4t891irn1-0wCfG3vt5dNj6oxO51JrA0tOJO85lHDy4c3eycJwrt4BI0AfZ-wQM-7y2apTyDu6lbVfJOHe8EplC7_icSSRFhricSRSBhJIhHVlLtIm720m5sMsJnY/s640/blogger-image--601080786.jpg"></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">Hopefully tomorrow is just as good!</div>anamiahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17021360505020323240noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-448848957920019000.post-86590229154211328082014-01-08T22:06:00.001-08:002014-01-08T22:06:42.277-08:00Happy 2014 loves!!Sorry I've been MIA (missing in action) for a bit. Life has been completely crazy for me. For starters my boyfriend came to see me and we spent 2 whole weeks together :3 it was a ton of fun until he had to leave < l 3 <div>Secondly I've made my New Years resolution to lose 80 pounds by this time next year! Sounds crazy I know, but I'm gonna try. </div><div>And thirdly, the reason behind this resolution is that I'm at my highest weight ever at a staggering 199 pounds... That was a rude awakening for me. So far today I've eaten some roasted potatoes, rice, and a small steak and I drank like tons of water. </div><div>I'm starting to watch that show Ruby to inspire me to keep going, along with supersize vs. super skinny. Let's hope for the best!</div>anamiahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17021360505020323240noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-448848957920019000.post-73560678056736602822014-01-04T01:58:00.001-08:002014-01-04T01:58:54.521-08:00Thinspo<div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiz8modhHkCc-o7It3ckbCnydcRo-TJ-8DJe4Y0ydnGcb62hLZ2grgc88UajOVo2UfTJDwiuOeEkVxZneFz0Pg7NHlLOwxBceCYWIT_1M29yxYFR4aLK-qT8n5qrQYy1YkfRQS8LtEk/s640/blogger-image-1772580695.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"></a><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiz8modhHkCc-o7It3ckbCnydcRo-TJ-8DJe4Y0ydnGcb62hLZ2grgc88UajOVo2UfTJDwiuOeEkVxZneFz0Pg7NHlLOwxBceCYWIT_1M29yxYFR4aLK-qT8n5qrQYy1YkfRQS8LtEk/s640/blogger-image-1772580695.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"></a><a 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src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEitMiyAfF8qvGlh0q8OTbera0uWjcIp41aa7ZHf_TGVLxOw1YEZrBjMVNt3I4ktX2bRqAl-Xg1KkHcRXc5fHUiJ8QzuE8nj1q93cmL2z3TZwWqx8nGR8ApbO2ZqxIhkdRUKEYcz3x5g/s640/blogger-image--1693477236.jpg"></div><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiz8modhHkCc-o7It3ckbCnydcRo-TJ-8DJe4Y0ydnGcb62hLZ2grgc88UajOVo2UfTJDwiuOeEkVxZneFz0Pg7NHlLOwxBceCYWIT_1M29yxYFR4aLK-qT8n5qrQYy1YkfRQS8LtEk/s640/blogger-image-1772580695.jpg"></div>anamiahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17021360505020323240noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-448848957920019000.post-43945506934637996422013-12-03T04:11:00.001-08:002013-12-03T15:29:53.579-08:00Damage control and more thinspo!!!<div class="separator" style="clear: both;">
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<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;">It seems like every time my boyfriend visits I gain a million fucking pounds. I haven't even weighed myself because I'm scared. I can see how disgusting I am. My boyfriend is 200 pounds but he's 5'10 so it doesn't show AT ALL. I'm 5'3 and 190- ? I'm disgusting. I'm gonna fast and start exercising again. I'll post some thinspo for y'all. Sorry for my disappointing news (again!) </span></div>
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<b>WARNING: IMAGES MAY BE EXPLICIT. </b><br />
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Hope you guys liked the thinspo! I'll update you tomorrow on my progress (: </div>
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Lots of love! </div>
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xoxo </div>
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~anamia~</div>
anamiahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17021360505020323240noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-448848957920019000.post-965592388694704812013-11-25T19:26:00.001-08:002013-11-25T19:26:15.929-08:00I purged.My boyfriend is here right now. My mom sat us down and had a talk with us. She portrayed me in such a bad light and the whole time all I wanted to do was shove pizza down my throat, which I did. Followed by many sips of Pepsi. Then before she was even finished talking I went to the bathroom and I purged. I purged until I was empty and I felt better. My boyfriend wanted to kiss me because he thought my feelings were hurt but I turned my head cause I didn't want him to smell the vomit. I feel bad that I hurt him. I love him. I don't think I'm gonna tell him about this. Ugh.anamiahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17021360505020323240noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-448848957920019000.post-12219386946394686472013-11-22T15:40:00.001-08:002013-11-22T15:42:31.625-08:00Thinspo<div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgSVWOjbK_wT1vJj1jl1rts5F7y1PBsutSJa_ivCTosyKtJB4Nc0oEN0MO4MTJF26TJbE8kuTqJT5_cTdnK6fkWoeGZJDVaZ5-hFEPWA8WIVzW1a-GlbJf8QyG0A2rwa9y4y3V0Q8Mt/s640/blogger-image--1960434321.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"></a><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgSVWOjbK_wT1vJj1jl1rts5F7y1PBsutSJa_ivCTosyKtJB4Nc0oEN0MO4MTJF26TJbE8kuTqJT5_cTdnK6fkWoeGZJDVaZ5-hFEPWA8WIVzW1a-GlbJf8QyG0A2rwa9y4y3V0Q8Mt/s640/blogger-image--1960434321.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"></a><a 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src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgmSACYrhrPyqNjRlL-HP_71nqtMNSrBIsg0FH1zrQqxGaK3aCP6BL81wQ3rJey9Y_EJbN3TvmRzvX0cYPb_HQjAyfImo8oGgPSwARJsgESraEOe75rG2_jUJ4NS608nPHzowHa-tLJ/s640/blogger-image-582130171.jpg"></div><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg7BGXdWtiPT6ild-ipyhDCYk-8299hMeOXpKzOFoCq3FnHrwDZLV-g2RkD1hxtTgLpR6CeGasRH5qaNpgS-qGPaW9j5KnjDzYJygnHugV-5j0MeJXRRe22myxW6u5ag7v63X7rT0qF/s640/blogger-image-1000842354.jpg"></div><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgSVWOjbK_wT1vJj1jl1rts5F7y1PBsutSJa_ivCTosyKtJB4Nc0oEN0MO4MTJF26TJbE8kuTqJT5_cTdnK6fkWoeGZJDVaZ5-hFEPWA8WIVzW1a-GlbJf8QyG0A2rwa9y4y3V0Q8Mt/s640/blogger-image--1960434321.jpg"></div>anamiahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17021360505020323240noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-448848957920019000.post-74990364987605846122013-11-22T09:43:00.001-08:002013-11-22T09:45:57.235-08:00Ah! Technology sucks.My last post was actually named something like "updates and thinspo" and the "updates and shit" was before I decided to add thinspo so I guess it only saved the original copy and when I tried publishing it AGAIN this morning I didn't notice that it didn't contain the thinspo so I'm sorry. I recently got an iPhone 4S so I'm trying to figure this stuff out. Ugh.<br>
Yesterday I said "fuck" in front of my therapist without realizing it. I feel dirty now. I never really swore in front of my therapist so it made me cringe when it just slipped out like that. I've been accidentally/ "accidentally" restricting the past two days. I sleep all day, so yesterday when I woke up it was like 1 in the afternoon and my therapist appt. was at 5:30 so I had to leave by 4:30 and I still had to do laundry and shower and stuff so I just skipped eating. I drank some apple cinnamon tea though. But boy did I feel the repercussions, I live in a huge city that everyone has heard of, so when it's 4:30 that's rush hour traffic. So my dad had to constantly brake and go brake and go brake and go, so it made me incredibly nauseous and I had a terrible headache (this happens regularly when my bloodsugar gets too low, I think) so I felt awful and every time I looked down to change the song on my phone I felt the intense urge to puke everywhere. My therapist gave me a power bar which helped me for a bit and when I got home I had chicken soup and toast. That's it. I don't know how much I weigh this morning and I didn't get nearly enough sleep to get an accurate reading so after I get a nap in then I'll weigh myself.<br>
I can sleep because I'm so hungry. My bones hurt and feel jumpy at the same time. I had to wake up at 6:50 today and I didn't even sleep until 3 am because I was starving. But I didn't eat. That's all that matters right? School is stressful. I feel so out of control. There's literally nothing that is in my hands and my hands alone. I need to clean my room and sleep and wait for my boyfriend to come down tomorrow. I need to be hugged and I need his warm cuddles.<br>
I hate looking in the mirror and seeing this obese monstrosity staring back at me. I want to carve all of the fat off my body. But I can't because it will scar. That's the only thing that's stopping me. I want to be thin and beautiful not thin and horribly disfigured. I'll shut up now and post some thinspo. I've got a small variety since all my other photos are stuck in my old phone. I'll have to look into getting them out. I'll update later today or tomorrow. Until then my chickies (:<br>
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~xoxo anamia~anamiahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17021360505020323240noreply@blogger.com0