Monday, August 5, 2013


So needless to say I fell off the bandwagon with the dieting and exercising and all that shit. But it's coming back. I keep feeling like I used to. With the suicidal thoughts and the "hey I should jump in front of a truck today" thoughts. Not only that but I had a pregnancy scare and it was one of the scariest moments of my life. I haven't had my period since the week before I went to see my boyfriend, then I got a UTI, and then I was feeling all emotional (probably because of stress) not to mention I'm so fucking fat. But I bought pregnancy tests and I took one today and it was negative so I'm going to take the other one tomorrow and hopefully it will still be negative. 
The boyfriend has been in a bad mood since last night and he won't tell me why yet. Automatically my mind goes to the break up zone but I'm not sure so we'll see what happens. It's weird but I have the ability to kinda sense what other people are feeling, like I can sense whenever my boyfriends upset without him even telling me or even strangers sometimes. I think it's called an empath. No I'm not crazy I'm serious. Anyway so he said he was in a foul mood but I didn't push him into telling me. I feel so helpless because we're long distance. I wish I could lay with him and rub his back when he's sad. It hurts my heart. I think all this anxiety is making me sick. I've been sneezing non-stop and I have this gross cough. 
Imma go walking tonight. I love walking or running, it helps to clear my head. I haven't eaten anything yet so I'll post my intake and exercise later. Schools gonna start soon. Need to lose weight.   

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