Wednesday, December 22, 2010

hello again!

so since nobody reads this anyways i guess i have nothing to apologize for (: but its been sooo long since i posted like seriously idk i think the last time was august? with school and everything i just havent had the time unfortunately. but ive been doing better, i went on major binges though and like i went all the way up to 155 but now im down to 144. i really want to lose 4 pounds by the end of this week so i bought laxative tea for my slip ups. i find it easier to fast as long as there are no temptations in my house. which there have been because fate hates me. whatever though im getting back on track! yay (: so i also grew an inch!! which is awesome i still wanna get my weight down to like 98. and i found an ana buddy, she goes to my school and i just recently discovered shes ana too, shes kinda like my motivator. today the only thing i ate were two graham crackers (=130) plus i found out there is a new zero calorie monster which is perfect for me!!! woo so happy right now

~anamia <3

Wednesday, August 25, 2010


I'm starting to think Ana is the only person i have left. This week (though it barely started) has been terrible. My best friend is going through something with her family and i don't know whats wrong because she never tells me anything. But she said its better if she doesn't talk to anyone, and she lives an hour away now so i never get to see her and texting is the only thing we have left and now i don't even have that to hold onto anymore. Why does life suck so much? and my 'second choice' (nicknamed her) and i are no longer friends. i don't know if shes aware of that fact but it is indeed a fact. i deleted both of their numbers out of my phone because i might never hear from them again so why bother having their numbers? Anyways this whole ordeal has happened over the past two days and I've lost 10 pounds. It sounds impossible right? TEN pounds in TWO days? geez. that worries even me. But its still an accomplishment. Every time i have to eat Ana starts screaming in my head, she's a real inspiration. Today i ate a piece of skinless chicken breast and some juice. but Ana was yelling so loud i couldn't even hear myself chew. Then Mia stepped in and said 'give the girl a break, you know its not gonna stay in there for very long' and i just realized i sound insane. gosh. But Mia was right as soon as i finished my juice i blasted my music and scrubbed the toilet clean and then purged my barely beating heart out. I mean like seriously, barely beating. I went farther than I've ever gone before, i just couldn't help it, the pain i felt in my stomach when i was trying to force up food that wasn't there anymore made me feel good, because i liked the pain. and every time my best friends face popped up into my head it only made me push harder. My knuckles were red and my stomach was a pit of fire but that still didn't stop me. I think i lost all my stomach acid too. okay maybe that's an exaggeration but it feels like it. and when i stepped on the scale afterwards it was down one more pound than it was this morning. Today i am 139 pushing double digits.
~~~Ana, hear my plea and guide me through this turmoil, push me off the edge and catch me as i fall. stay with me to keep me strong and thin and i can survive this. i will survive this.~~~


Limit 400

down half a pound this morning. and that was after my morning grapefruit juice so we'll see what it is tomorrow.

Calories taken in during the day:
1 cup grapefruit juice (90)
1/2 cup fat free cottage cheese (80)
3/4 cup cereal with 1/2 cup whole milk (175)
1/2 cup V8 juice (40)

Sunday, August 15, 2010


yes, it is true. Thin really does have a taste all of its own. I had to start over because four days ago, i broke and had a pizza binge i gained two pounds! TWO FREAKING POUNDS! talk about failure. but this morning when i woke up i was back to 145, this has clearly set my mood up a few bars. But i almost had a panic attack when i was at Ralphs earlier today. THERE WAS SOOOO MUCH JUNK FOOD! I had a mini debate in my head as to whether i should plan a binge or not. I chose not. i have not come this far just to give up. so instead i got healthy things. Today was good.
My favorite new thing right now is Cascadia Sparkling Water. It is calorie free and everything but it tastes amazing! The first sip is like a zap to your taste buds and sends you on this...i dunno how to explain it. but its gooood. I also got V8 juice for my juice days and rice cakes for my restricting days. Thin is complicated, but worth it.

Calories taken in for the day:

2 rice cakes with hot mustard (60)
3/4 cup cereal with 2/3 cup whole milk (223)
peach guava smoothie (200)
Ran 6 miles.


Tuesday, August 10, 2010

Day One ~ Again

So yesterday was day one of my five (hoping for ten) day fast, and i went the whole day only drinking water. But then around three, when the cravings get crazy, i cracked and made toast and eggs. i didn't eat them though, i just served them and watched them for thirty minutes until they were cold and inedible, then i threw them in the trash. Its a waste yes, but better wasted then added to your waist right?
The real reason I'm even writing this blog thing is like a storage unit. someplace i can store my thoughts without anyone knowing who wrote them, ya know? Its a given that someone will find out eventually, but I'll look for that bridge when i cross it.
Oh yea, the reason I'm calling today 'day one ~ again' is because around four i did break and i ate ice cream. oh the horror of the disgraceful calories. i immediately purged afterwards to get rid of it. Being so disgusted and ashamed of myself i didn't even notice when i started to taste stomach acid. Even though i got rid of it, i still feel like i failed so I'm starting over. Today i plan on running 6 - 8 miles, doing 500 jumping jacks, 300 crunches, and 200 toe touches, as a minimum. The good news is now i weigh 145 instead of 146. I will not let myself break and be weak again. Ana is counting on me and i cant let her down...again.

thinking thin

Sunday, August 8, 2010


Height: 5'3

Weight: 146

GW: 105

HW: 177

LW: 140

Unfortunately, i carry most of my weight in my thighs. My friends (the ones i've managed to keep) all guess my weight around 120 if lower. Im guessing they're just being nice but they claim its the truth. What is truth anyways?

-xoxo anamia