Aunt flow

I hate hate hate periods. You know why? Because mine is irregular and every time I'm focused on my weight aunt flow suddenly pops up and screws up everything. So I have no idea how much I weigh but I'm still exercising everyday. My legs have been permanently sore for the past 5 days :D my main problem areas are my hideous back fat that appears when I wear bras and my gross jiggly thighs that never want to lose weight. So I'm doing all these exercises with ankle weights, no it won't make me bulky. Im trying to build muscle in my inner thigh so that it will start helping to burn fat there. Yesterday I got my Victoria secret catalog, I'm so excited!!! The Victoria secret models are my ultimate thinspo, especially miranda kerr. She's my idol. This might sound ridiculous but I've always wanted to become a Victoria secret model ): but I can't because I'm short and fat. Anyway, school is officially over as of yesterday. I asked my teacher if she could give me some summer work because next year I'm gonna work my ass off. Literally, I asked her if I could take all my unfinished A-G requirements (like 6 classes) on top of the classes I need for senior year. So that's like 13 classes in one year. I could do it no problem, I just need to be focused and dedicated. I got my report card yesterday too and I got all A's and one stupid B. I feel so stupid for not doing well in high school the first two years, but its partially not my fault because of my extreme social anxiety (that I didn't know I had!!!) Anyway I hope my period stops before my trip ): that would be an awful way to meet the guy you love.

Sorry for my rambling <3

~xoxo anamia~

Carbs

Did you know that carbs are basically everywhere. My god. I'm starting this new 10 day carb diet thing. Basically I'm only allowed 15 carbs a day. I think its gonna be hard. I looked at the nutrition info on a pack of bread and holy shit it has 47 carbs per serving! PER SERVING. no wonder I am sooo fat. I already used my daily amount of carbs haha. Well at least that means I can't eat anything else today. I have 10 days to lose like 20 pounds and I'm ready. I've been doing yoga every morning and last night I looked up some exercises that I plan on doing over the next 10 days. I'm starting to see my waist shrink a bit cause of the yoga. I got 7 pairs of panties and 2 bras at Victoria secret yesterday. The bras are a 36c and they make me have horrible back fat ): well they show off my already horrible back fat. So Imma do some exercises to target my back muscles. Man I hate being fat. I'm ready to get skinny!

~xoxo anamia~

Oh p.s. I used all my daily carbs in my coffee this morning haha. Cream and sugar is not good for you!

The Green Coffee Bean?

The other day my mom and I were at Walmart and when we were going through the vitamin isles she saw this green coffee bean thing. Apparently its that diet supplement that was on Dr. oz but I didn't know that until she told me later.So she bought it and I've been taking it for the past 3 days and honestly I haven't really noticed any difference whatsoever. I'm following the instructions on the back and I'm still exercising and watching what I eat (obviously) so I don't know if it's a sham or what, but I'm still going to take it until I run out either way.
On other news, my therapist is starting me on an anti-anxiety med. I'm not sure which one it is yet. I guess it wouldn't hurt to try it. I've been getting depressed and frustrated lately because I'm worried about my future. I screwed up my freshman and sophomore year of high school because I was so distracted with the eating issues and my social anxiety and I never wanted to go to school. honestly I didn't even want to get out of bed most days. So here I am now, fat with no freaking future to speak of having to work my ass off twice as hard to even think about my college plans. On the plus side, my grades are all A's and B's. on the not so plus side, my overall GPA for high school wont be good enough to even consider an Ivy League.
I'm still fat. Just less fat. I've only got 17 days to lose like 15 pounds. Do you think I'll make it? I need some inspiration or something. I'm starting right now. Let's see how long I can go with a fast. I broke mine 2 days after it started because I wasn't sleeping and I needed something to keep me going. (I don't sleep when I'm stressed cause my brain won't focus)
I see I've got new followers :D hello! I haven't blogged on a computer in a while so I didn't even see you all till right before this post. Thanks for following me, I'll follow you back. I think reading about other peoples struggles helps me through my own because I know that I'm not alone in all of this. Anyways I'll blog some more later. I have a lot of studying to do.

I hope you all succeed!

~xoxo anamia~

An accomplishment!

Okay so I was gonna post my plan yesterday but I didn't want to post it if there was a chance that I would fail. But I didn't fail! I fasted all day yesterday. I only had 2 cups of coffee and a diet coke and I still haven't eaten yet today. I'm down to 180.4 which is actually pretty good cause 2 days ago I was 185.4. J usually procrastinate until its time to crack the whip and I guess that's what I did this time too cause I feel motivated again. I need to be careful drinking coffee on an empty stomach though, cause it could burn a hole through my stomach or something. That's probably why I did so well yesterday I had the worst acid reflux ever. Like some serious heartburn. It even lasted till this morning. But I could also be feeling sick cause I've only gotten like 5 hours total sleep over the past 2 days. I'm walking to school right now. It's like a 2 mile walk! And its like 90 degrees. Talk about exercise. Okay well I'm gonna go. I don't want to get hit by a car or something.

Xoxo anamia <3 

Asdfghjkl

So I'm back. Surprisingly I've only gained a few pounds. My trip is from June 4th to June 9th and I'm exercising twice or three times a week from today until then. I already exercised once today for 30 minutes. So I'll do it again before bed. Today I've eaten 3 baked potatoes and sweet corn so that's a huge amount of calories but I'm exercising so I'm keeping my metabolism going all day. I'm so scared that when I get there I'm gonna be fat and he's gonna laugh and not even want to touch me. So let's get moving!!!