Sunday, March 31, 2013

Monkey and surprising news

So apparently, monkey likes to shit on my carpet. I put him on the pee pads and he walks off and shits on my carpet. I usually pick him up while he's going and put him on the pad but the point is that I have had to clean dog shit off of my carpet for days now. But he's so cute I don't even care.
My surprising news is that even with all of the fattening foods I've been eating the past couple days, I only gained a couple ounces. Running after monkey has been enough exercise lately lol. But I'm gonna start doing my leg exercises again cause I want my legs to be skinny in 2 months. I've had my period for like 2-3 weeks now. I don't think that's normal. Oh well. Yesterday I had around 700 cals which isn't terrible but more than I would've liked. I haven't eaten anything so far today, but its Easter so I'm going with my parents to eat at a restaurant but I'm gonna order something healthy and I'm still a vegetarian so its gonna be all veggies practically. Here's to hoping.
~xoxo anamia~

P.s. this puppy likes to sleep.

Saturday, March 30, 2013


I got a puppy and I love him. I've spent the last 4 days reorganizing my room, so that's why I haven't been on. I had to move my dressers and stuff to create room for him and it was really hard work. I haven't even been sticking to my diet cause I've had the weirdest sleeping schedule. So today is gonna be a restricting day because I don't even know how much I weigh. The puppy is a terrier mix and his birthday is on Valentines day (: I named him monkey. He is so co dependent lol he cries in his sleep and stuff but he's so cute I just tuck him into his little bed and pray that he doesn't pee on my carpet (which he's already done) but I'm gonna walk him at least 3 times a week for exercise, but I want to wait 2 weeks to start because he's barely 6 weeks old.

Yes he's wrapped in a pink blanket lol its the only one I have.
I'm going to sleep so I can get a fresh start to the day, so goodnight and wish me luck tomorrow!

~xoxo anamia~

Wednesday, March 27, 2013

Sleepless on Blogger

So I don't know how much I weigh because I havent slept since 2 days ago or whenever it was. I'm sitting in class right now about to tape my eyelids open because they keep shutting on me. I don't like to sleep the day before class because I usually leave my homework undone until 6:00 pm the day before. I know its horrible of me but I just physically cannot read anything or learn anything if its before six the day before its due. I'm a weirdo I know I know. My head hurts and I want to sleep for days. Plus my teacher always has food in her class because of this nutrition thing that my school is doing and I can't eat it because I don't know any of the calories. I'm getting heartburn like a bitch and I'm exhausted and class ends in 5 minutes so Imma go home and I'll post more later.

Tuesday, March 26, 2013

176.6 and procrastination

Wooooo! Losing weight like a pro. Haha no. Every time I try to be happy about the weight I've lost, I think about how much thinner I would've been if I hadn't binged and gone off track all those times. I'm gonna work harder and not binge. I'm noticing differences in the way I look which is good. I can see my ribs now. And if I put my arms up then I can see all of them. My thighs and calves look skinnier and more lean which is amazing because like you guys know, I'm a leg person. I'm going shoe shopping today, I love shoes. I'm getting my first pair of heels! I absolutely love heels. When I was little I used to wear my moms heels and walk around the kitchen to hear the tapping noise. They never fit me but it was so much fun. So now its my turn, I want to get black heels so that they'll match everything, and I'm short so I can pull them off.
I'm restarting day 2 because I don't feel right about my calories yesterday. I feel like I cheated and I don't like to cheat on things.
Today my intake has been 2/3 cup blueberries (=55) and 1 1/4 cup frozen grapes (=130) so I'm going strong. I'm making hard boiled eggs so I can eat them with hummus later. I've mentioned this before but eggs are supposed to fill you up because of their protein and stuff. So eggs are gonna be my new main food.
The reason the title includes procrastination is because I have 2 weeks of homework due tomorrow and I haven't even started so I'm pretty much screwed. I just can't focus and it sucks because I'm studying psychology and I love psychology but my mind won't stay still. I'm gonna try to focus and I'll update later!

Monday, March 25, 2013

I can't even....

I purged twice today and my total intake was 467. I'm not gonna freak out about it. I jump roped for 13 minutes so I feel awesome. This whole purge shit is making me tired. I need sleep.

Goodnight & I hope I'm thinner by tomorrow.

~xoxo anamia~


No purging so far today which is really good. I wish I was 177 this morning but oh well I was still one pound less today (: so far I've only had 32 veggie crackers (=260) and 1 cup frozen grapes (=104) so I'm still on track with the ABC. I haven't eaten eggs today, which I'm gonna start doing every morning to hold me throughout the day.

Thinspo #3 (;

Skin care & updates

So yesterday went okay. Technically I only had 2 eggs. But later in the day I had some chow mein (=470) and 2 veggie spring rolls with 1 fortune cookie, but I purged. Yupp this is what I'm afraid of. I don't want to slip back into these habits, but my mom is doing a fast right now to lose weight (I guess restricting runs in the family) and I felt so fat sitting next to her. She's technically skinner than me weight wise but I look WAAAY skinny then her. She's 170 something and I'm 179 or something but I am gifted with even distribution for my fat. She is obviously overweight whereas I look chunky and "full" whatever. I still think its fucked that she's skinnier than me. So I only had the eggs and the coffee which I didn't even finish and then water.
I'm gonna start taking cranberry pills in the morning and at night and maybe I'll post my skin care routine later because I do A LOT of skin care stuff. I'm really OCD about my skin. Like you guys don't even know. Hmm I forgot about the thinspo. I'll post it after this. I'm exhausted but I'm feeling good about the scales tomorrow (:

Peace & love <3

~xoxo anamia~

Sunday, March 24, 2013


I LOVE fashion. But I've never been able to wear fashionable clothes because I'm too fat. So when I reach my gws I plan on buying clothes. A LOT OF CLOTHES. Especially my UGW. 
Today I was 179 flat, which is better than a gain. So far today I've had 2 eggs (=140) and I'm having some coffee with a tbsp of almond milk.
One of the things I've noticed about restricting is that every time you see someone eat something you start to crave it. Like in sex and the city, they were eating and I went from craving chocolate cake to a hot dog to a cheeseburger and fries. It's crazy. Then I started craving oatmeal cookies. So I'm just gonna lock myself in my room for the rest of my life.

Edit: oh and I forgot to tell you guys that today is my first day for the ABC diet. I was supposed to restart yesterday but I lost track of the days so I'm starting today instead! I'm going to cvs later because I'm gonna start pampering myself so I can be ready for my road trip in June! So yay (: okay thinspo will be posted later on along with the rest of my day.

Bye for now <3

~xoxo anamia~


Yesterday I had 2 potatoes and 2 corns on the cob which totaled to 740 but I jump roped so my net was 202. I have to admit something to you all because I have a 100% honest no bullshit rule on this blog, so what I have to admit is that I got hungry around 1 am and so I made myself a sandwich and some potatoes and eggs. It wasn't a lot though. Maybe 400 cals, and my plan was to fast today but I felt sick after eating it, I couldn't even finish it! So I purged. I know I know its horrible but I felt like I had to. And now I don't feel guilty about eating and I don't feel hungry anymore, and I don't feel like I failed. I feel clean. I'm not afraid of the number that's gonna be on the scale in the morning because I know I did okay yesterday.
I'm exhausted. Half an hour of nonstop jump roping made me sweat all over! I was literally dripping and I felt like I was having a heart attack but it felt amazing you guys. Every time I wanted to stop I remembered that 60 minutes burns around 1000 calories, so 30 burns around 500, and it kept me going. I didn't eat a lot today but I had a lot of carbs, most of which were fiber so its not all bad. Plus I drank water like I was in a drought. Literally! Before I even finished jump roping I downed a liter of water cause I was so thirsty. Anyways I'll update in the morning.

Goodnight lovelies & stay strong <3

~xoxo anamia~

Saturday, March 23, 2013

Sex and the city

I have watched this show off and on for a couple years now but didn't get obsessed with it until recently. It's one of the best thinspos out there I think. There are all these beautiful and thin women. It's so inspirational. Sarah Jessica parker has the thinnest legs ever, I want her thighs.
I'm a leg person. Meaning, I want thin long legs before anything else. When I see other girls the first thing I look at are their thighs. It's not checking them out, its sizing them up. I want, Nonono I NEED skinny long legs. It's bad enough that I'm short, I don't want to be stumpy too. So that's my goal. I want to be able to wrap my hands around my thigh. A lot of people think that's disgusting and too skinny but I crave it more than any food.
J and I were talking on the phone right now and he is just so wonderful. I'm the first girl he's ever actually talked about a future with. We have so much in common its crazy. For example, we both come from broken families and don't really want to get married or have kids for a really long time. Another thing is that we both suffer from depression that comes out of nowhere, like we just get numb for no reason and feel really empty sometimes. We can make each other laugh for hours, but can also be serious and comforting for one another in our time of need. He knows EVERYTHING about me, even about my eating issues and that I was sexually abused. He's never been cared for and I'm the kind of girl that takes care of her boyfriends by cooking for them and holding them and stuff; I've never been treated to an actual date by a guy and he's the kind of guy that treats his women to actual dates. So I guess you can say that we complete each other, which makes me really really happy. He's just perfect. But I'm not getting my hopes too high because I'm barely gonna see him in June. I don't know how to explain it but I just have this feeling that its gonna be perfect, ya know? Not in that teenage girl love struck kind of way, but in the whole "we might actually have a future" kind of way. It's just a feeling in my gut. I don't really know how to explain it.
So I must weigh 150 by then! At least. I'm hoping 145 but whatever as long as I'm out of the 70's/80's. I need to do this. I have to.

Staying strong <3

~xoxo anamia~

Friday, March 22, 2013

Rosie huntington

Family dinners

So my parents decided to take me to Marie calenders to celebrate my mom getting her income tax. I didn't over eat, I got a veggie burger and chips and I had 3 mozzerella sticks but I stuck to coke zero the whole time. Oh and I had pie. Fucking shit. I forgot about the pie. Well I didn't eat the whole burger, and I didn't have the cornbread that they serve so I suppose it could've been worse. I'm just making excuses. No more food for today and I'm gonna work out a lot. On a better note, I weighed 179 today so I lost the weight that I gained. OH and I forgot!!! I measured last night and I lost 2" inches in my thighs and 2" on my waist. I'm so excited. Plus the waiter boys today were totally giving us good service because I was wearing a push up bra (not bragging) but I think they were because every time they came to my table they would look at me only and ask how everything was lol even my parents noticed. I'm not gonna eat anymore today, I won't. My butt and thighs are killing today but it feels good. I'll post some thinspo later (:


Okay something weird that you guys should know about me is that I am absolutely 110% in love with potatoes. Seriously sometimes I just randomly crave them. I love them all ways, mashed, baked, roasted, boiled, etc. I know that they're high in carbs and calories and stuff BUT they are also high in fiber/iron/vitamin C/low in fat/etc. So what I'm thinking is that I'm not going to eat, and then when I get hungry I'm going to eat one plain baked potato. It actually doesn't taste too bad, cause the butter and salt and stuff just weighs it down and you can't really taste the potato, so I will just eat it plain and baked. And it gets me full really fast too so one is enough to get me through the day.
I just realized I sound like a potato lady. Ohmygod. It's like a cat lady but worse. Jeez. Anyways.

~xoxo anamia~

Thursday, March 21, 2013

Salt Water Flush

This mornings weight wasn't too bad, which is good. But I still felt bloated and disgusting so I did a Salt Water Flush, (SWF) which is something I used to do when my ED got really out of control. It's supposed to clean out your system, literally. You take 1 tablespoon of sea salt and a liter of warm water and you mix it until the salt dissolves and then you drink it. It gives you the feeling of drowning out at sea, but hey it's effective that's for sure. Warning: It WILL make you feel bloated and sick and like you don't want to eat anything ever again (yay) and then within a half hour to an hour you're running to the restroom praying that you make it there in time. yes it's disgusting BUT it cleans you out, which is good after a particularly bad binge ya know? I would strongly STRONGLY advise against passing any kind of gas after drinking it, I recommend you avoid the world for the entire day, cause you do not know when you will need to go. There is no forewarning, it hits you like a bus and BAM you're either on a toilet or you shit yourself. 
Anyway, today went well. Did a sort of liquid fast, with the exception of a cup of rice. total cals for the day were 475. I'm thinking tomorrow could be ice water and some green tea, maybe some almond milk, pretty much a liquid fast. Maybe I should do a liquid fast until Saturday and then start the ABC again. I thought the ABC was actually pretty easy if I'm honest, the only thing that got to me was the fact that I couldn't do the whole "disordered" eating thing at my best friends house; let's call her Y. I actually feel really....fine? for right now. I mean I could have easily eaten a donut or the pie that's in the freezer but instead I had rice. I actually started craving ice water like 20 minutes ago, so I think I'm making some kind of progress. I'm not gonna be too hard on myself about last night, because after I ate all that I worked out like mad, and today I worked out like mad as well so it isn't too bad. 
OH and I forgot to mention that my mother told me that my thighs look THINNER ohmygosh. I am so happy, this is the kind of shit that motivates me to keep going. I WILL make it to my first GW dammit, and then I WILL make it to my second one, etc. I AM DETERMINED. the only ONLY person that could derail me right now is MYSELF, and I will NOT do that because I need this. I am tired of looking in the mirror and wishing that I could cut off all my fat. I am tired of hating how I look and having to wear a sweater to school even on the hottest day just because my back fat is so noticeable. I am tired of not feeling confident while having sex because my fat is showing (tmi.) Isn't it about time that we take fate into our own hands and step away from the fattening foods? Instead of eating that cheeseburger or those crisps, put it down and go for a 10 minute run. Do some sit ups instead of eating that chocolate. We let food control our lives, and that's no way to live. It's time to step up to the plate and do something instead of complain. I'm in it to win it, not to strike out. Let's do this. 

feeling highly motivated <3 div="" nbsp="">

~xoxo anamia~

candice swanepoel <33

I absolutely adore her, she's one of my idols. I want to look like her so bad.

I'm such a fat fucking failure. I'm not even gonna weigh myself in the morning. Today is a fast day. I'm so done with everything, needless to say, I binged away the night and now I'm gonna pay for it.
I can literally see all the fat in my legs right now. Fuck this I'm gonna work out my legs until I can't feel them anymore.

Wednesday, March 20, 2013

179.4 and a photo of my fat.

That was my weight this morning. Needless to say that I'm definitely pleased. I have some unfortunate news to add to this post, this morning I ate something that I really shouldn't have. I won't even mention what it was because it was so bad, but it was like I couldn't help myself so I shoved it all down  before I could think about it, and next thing you know my fingers are down my throat and I'm bent over the toilet. So yes I purged, and I felt like I'd been defeated afterwards because I haven't done that in a long long time. BUT that's not even the worst part, the worst part is that all day long after that incident I was planning a binge!! On the basis "oh well Ill just purge it after" see now THAT is why I stopped purging. I had gotten to a point where I did it 6/7 times a day, and I stopped. So now I keep telling myself that I don't need to binge, because I'm seeing progress and a binge will only mess that up. 
On a lighter note, I've only had 465 calories for the day (: even though I ate a huge spinach salad, some roasted red pepper and tomato soup, some blueberries, some frozen grapes, and some veggie crackers. Hopefully I'm down another pound and a half tomorrow! *Crossing my fingers*
I have a deadline!!!! I need to lose weight RIGHT NOW. I won't stop working out unless I puke, faint, or die (found that quote on a blog)
I have a new goal. I want to get down to at least 168 by the time class starts again, which is in 1 week and a half. So a solid 10 lbs isn't too bad in that amount of time. I have to do it!!!

Here's a picture of my fat. Take a good look cause this is the last time I'm gonna look like this!

Goodnight <3

~xoxo anamia~


I'm sorry for my ugly duck face, I sent this picture to J because I was sending him "kisses" lol. I just figured I should put a face to this blog. Later I'll post a picture of my fatness. 

Tuesday, March 19, 2013

Finally got my exercise in!! Wooo I feel good (:
My net is 335! Hopefully I'm at 180.Something tomorrow!!

Fuck neighbors

All I want to fucking do is exercise and I can't because my neighbors have been exercising in their garage all fucking day. I was supposed to go out at noon but all my workout clothes were dirty so once they were done getting washed, I couldn't go out anymore because my neighbors are out there lifting weights and shit. I really hate the fact that I am so freaking self conscious that I don't want anyone to see me exercise. But seriously 8 FUCKING HOURS of exercising?!?!? Talk about over achieving. I just want to jump rope for 10 minutes. I'm not even kidding I tried going out there and I was warming up for 2 minutes and then one of them came out of the garage and BAM I ran back inside. I'm so sick of this shit. On the plus side I've only had 466 cals today, so I'm doing everything I said I would (:
Except I changed what I ate today, instead I had
One honey and vanilla cookie (=250)
One large banana (=121)
1/4 cup tricolor penne (=70)
1/4 cup organic chunky tomato sauce (=25)
Not too shabby. I might have some fruit or some organic green tea later. 


So its disappointing but nothing some restricting and exercise can't fix. So I kinda steered off course today. For breakfast I'm having black coffee and a huge honey vanilla cookie (=250) well I already ate the cookie so I brought in some organic fruits and veggies from my fridge in the garage and I'm gonna eat those later. Oh and my aunt told me about this honey and cinnamon thing and I'm gonna try it.
How to do it:

1. Use 1 part cinnamon to 2 parts raw honey. 1/2 tsp cinnamon to 1 tsp honey is recommended but can use more or less as long as in the ratio of 1 to 2. —so 1 tsp cinnamon to 2 tsp raw honey is ok too as an example.

2. Boil 1 cup...that is 8 oz of water.

3. Pour water over cinnamon and cover and let it steep for 1/2 hour..(30 minutes)

4. Add honey now that it has cooled. Never add honey when it is hot as the heat will destroy the enzymes and other nutrients in the raw honey.

5. Drink 1/2 of this directly before going to bed. The other 1/2 should be covered and refrigerated.

6. In the morning drink the other half that you refrigerated, but do not re-heat it; drink it cold or at room temp only.

Do not add anything else to this recipe. No lemon, no lime, no vinegar. It is not necessary to drink it more times in a day; it is only effective on an empty stomach and primarily at night.

This works for most people. Inches are lost before any measurement on the scales. This program will cause significant inches lost...but you will reach a plateau and may not lose anymore. This is because the cinnamon and honey cause a cleansing effect in the digestive tract and cleans out parasites and other fungus and bacteria that slow down the digestion...causing a toxic build up. (Lowers pH) Once this is all cleaned out then you will most likely have the weight loss slow down.

Additionally people report increased energy, more sex drive, and feeling happier/mood enhancer.

So I'm gonna do it for 2 weeks or so and see if it works. I did it for ONE day and it made me really really go to the bathroom, if ya know what I mean.
I'll update more later.


Now this isn't my official weigh in because my stomach wasn't empty (at all) and I was wearing a lot of clothes but I really wanted to know what weights I was in between. So I'm in between 177.6 and 184.4 god I can't believe I let myself get this bad again. I really have to lose 10 lbs/ 4.5 kgs by next Tuesday. I can't afford to be fucking up like this. I'm only disappointing myself. AND TO MAKE IT WORSE, I keep telling J that I'm gonna look super hot when we meet. AND THAT I'M GONNA WEAR MINI SKIRTS. OMFG. I haven't worn a skirt since I was forced to last year for my piano recital. And before that I never wore skirts!!! God. What. Have. I. Done. I have a deadline here, I can't fuck up anymore. Imma do 500 cals and under until Saturday and then Imma restart the ABC. I was gonna start where I left off but I figure I should just restart, so that's what Imma do. I'm currently drinking ice water to burn some cals and cleanse my system. Imma have black coffee in the morning (which took some major getting used to, but now doesn't taste bad at all) and a banana to start my day. At 12 Imma go out and jump rope to get my metabolism up and running, then I will eat some frozen grapes and some celery and maybe at 6 I'll have a plain baked potato with nothing on it. That's around 500 if not under it, and of course I'm gonna water it up!!! All day long. Now I need to stick to this plan and its all good.

Goodnight loves <3 hope you're all doing fine

~xoxo anamia~

Monday, March 18, 2013

Tomorrow I'm only doing 500 cals. My mom said I look like I lost a lot of weight while I was gone HAHA right. I've been eating nonstop carbs for 4 days already. I need to stop. Imma jump rope in a bit but there's no way I'm gonna burn the amount of cals that I need to. I'll post my weight in the morning. Ugh I feel so bloated. I have no excuses for my behavior. I just failed on my own. 

So fucking drunk

Okay so the glass cup was filled with a mix of patron and bacardi and watermelon juice. I drank the whole thing AND had 20 jello shots on top of that. The jello shots were a mix of vodka and jello. I am so gone. Auto correct is saving my life right now

Sunday, March 17, 2013

God I feel so bloated. I wish I would've purged last night. My stomach is turning and making all the noises. My poor stomach isn't used to eating all this fatty food, it made me have a serious case of the runs...not to overshare but it did.