Good progress so far

Hey guys! So my starting weight this time around was an embarrassing 226.4 lbs. 11/3/15 was when I cut out soda and I have to be honest with you guys, I did get fast food yesterday but I didn't get any soda. I logged all my calories though and the only think I ate yesterday was the hamburger and fries I got because that was a full days worth of calories D: I worked through the night at my job so I didn't have anything to tempt me (food wise) 

Oh and I joined planet fitness! I got home around midnight or so and I went to my gym (it's open 24 hours) and I got all the forms filled out and whatnot and then I left because I wasn't prepared to work out right then. This morning when I weighed myself I was 121.6 lbs. so I've lost water weight and the bloat that I had from all the soda. I got a sandwich from 7-11 on my way home but I had burned enough calories during the day so it was fine to eat it. My daily calories according to My fitness pal is 1210. Sunday I'm going to go shopping at sprouts because I need a few things to prep my meals so that I'm not tempted to eat fast food so often. I ordered a food scale online along with some meal prep containers. I'm really excited you guys (: 

My goal right now is to be 199 lbs within the next 3 months. So February 7, 2016 I want to be 199 lbs. My ultimate goal weight is to be 115-120 lbs but that's over 100 lbs from now so I don't want to look that far ahead yet. I'm kind of tempted to go to the gym right now. I work the night shift again tomorrow so I could go now and come home in time to fall asleep for 8 hours and then get ready for work tomorrow. We'll see. Alright guys well I'll keep you updated! Love you!

Moving in the right direction

I have decided that I am either going to join a gym or get a treadmill for myself. A planet fitness has just opened up a few blocks from my house and I've been debating whether or not to sign up. They're having a $1 startup for their black card membership right now so I might do that but after that it's $20 a month and it has a 12 month commitment. I'm not sure I could afford that honestly. I might just sign up for their $10 membership instead. 

My dad said he's going to buy me inline rollerskates for Christmas and I'm really excited! I loved rollerskating as a kid and I know that it's a decent workout so I can't wait to start rollerskating again! I'm so huge right now, I hate it. I have been eating tons of fast food and drinking tons of soda and I just need to stop. 

I realized that I would be a lot fatter if I liked sweet things (cake, cookies, etc) thank god I'm more of a savory person! I know what my weaknesses are and I need to tackle them if I'm ever going to lose this weight. 

My weaknesses: 

1. Soda- 

I drink maybe a liter of soda every fucking day and that needs to just stop. I don't even know if I have diabetes but I hope not. If I keep living like this, I am going to get diabetes and heart disease and I will die at a young age. I need to stop killing myself because I have a life to live and this isn't the body that I want to do it in. 

2. Portion Sizes- 

They don't even exist to me. My portions are huge, it's pretty much "I could probably eat that whole pizza," so I end up eating a whole frigging pizza! It's disgusting. The pizza I buy is 2500 calories for the whole thing and that's only for one "meal!!!" 

3. Fast Food- 

Almost everything about fast food is unhealthy. The healthy things on fast food menus are foreign to me because I always go for the full fat, full grease, high caloric burger. I spend so much money on fast food every month, I could be saving that money and buying exercise equipment or save for my college textbooks! McDonald's recently introduced the all day breakfast menu and I'll drive through the drive-thru at 3am and get a sausage mcmuffin. I should be sleeping, not stuffing my face with a 500 calorie sandwich!

There's a lot more that I need to work on but until I can afford doing what I want to do, I need to focus on my diet. 

No more tomorrow's, I'm doing it now!

Birthday

Today is my birthday. You think that I'd feel more excited. 19 woohoo big frigging deal. I'm still a giant waste of space. 

Morning

Morning ladies and gents, I haven't slept since 5pm yesterday. I'm probably not going to get any sleep because I start work in a few hours. I'll probably pick up some coffee to keep me awake. I don't really want to deal with shitty people all day, especially this early in the morning, but it's what I'm paid to do so whatever. 

I'm stressed out about college that I haven't even started yet. My birthday is tomorrow and I'm just bummed as shit. Birthdays always mean food. My best friend is already talking about a Chinese food and movie night. I need to start some boot camp training or something. I want to work my ass off until there is nothing left and then keep working. I need to. 

Back again

I wish I didn't have to live anymore. I am tormented by the thoughts in my own freaking head and it is so hard just to get through the day. I reached my highest weight ever 226 and lost a few pounds with juice fasting. 

I don't know how much I weigh right now because I haven't stepped on a scale in a week. I'm going to try to do a water fast or maybe start the abc diet again. I just need to stop being a disgusting fatty for once. I hate myself. 

Only eating tomato and lettuce salads today

Yesterday I was doing so good, I was functioning on 50 calories all day from my side garden salad and diet coke from mcdonalds with balsamic dressing. But of course Mother's Day which I completely forgot was today, a workday for my mom, so we celebrated last night my going to chili's bar and grill. I got a burger that came with homefries and immediately ordered a to go box. I cut everything in half, well not really I only ate 4 of the fries, but I cut the burger in half and got a diet coke with it. I figured that it wouldn't be THAT many calories, I mean it's just a burger right? WRONG. oh so wrong. After I had eaten half the fucking thing I tried to log it into myfitnesspal but no nutrition info came up, so I asked my waiter if he could bring me nutrition information and then went through this big hassle (my bad) of having to print it all up and bring it to me and do you know how many fucking calories are in the burger ALONE? 1550 fucking calories. Seriously. Do they cook their food in lard or something WTF. I was so glad that I had only eaten half of it but even half still pushed my calories sky high. I had never eaten at chili's before so I had no idea how fattening it was. To make matters worse, I was too tired to purge everything so I let that disgusting food soak into my body and I felt like such shit last night. I can't wait until my neighbor buys me smokes so that I won't need to eat at all anymore. I'm not even gonna weigh myself till tomorrow. Yesterday it was 192.6 and today I probably weigh 200 fucking pounds. I'm so pissed at myself. No food today except tomato and lettuce salad and maybe I'll do that for tomorrow too. Ugh I fucking hate myself. I'll post later if I can.

194.2

Another two pounds gone! I've started purging more, everything I've eaten has gotten purged, except some strawberries. Yesterday when I was purging I got a sharp pain in my diaphragm and it hurt so bad I had to change positions and throw up another way. I feel lighter and it's such a good feeling. When I suck in my stomach you can see my ribs again. Today I walked another mile with my mom even though I was exhausted and not feeling too good; I got my ass out of bed and did it anyway. I feel accomplished now (: a little over a month and I should be looking way better than I do now.
I passed my permit test and I was so excited, however when they took my picture I look so horrendously fat. Good lord I look like a freaking heffer. My face was absolutely huge and you could see my double chin, I'm so disgusting. I'm totally grotesque. I need to lose as much weight as possible.


I wish you better luck lovelies

xoxo
~anamia~