these past two days have been a failure, in the sense that i ate like a normal teenager, not that i binged. yesterday i was at my friends house and she practically shoved poptarts down my throat. she tossed it to me and then i went to read the box and she took it away from me and said "don't read. just eat it and leave it" and then i was like "why can i just see it?" and she said "because you fainted. you don't need to know how fattening it is, just shove it down your throat and stop worrying" dammit. it totally ruined my total calories for the day. sigh. and then today i was planning a fast but my boyfriends family took me to the beach and we went shopping which involved. A LOT OF FUCKING FOOD. and its not like i could deny everything without causing suspicion, ya know? so i just made healthy choices (sorta) first we went to eat at a restaurant. i ordered a grilled cheese with a side of fruit instead of fries. but then they went candy shopping and bought me a soda and one of those rock candies. and then there was ice cream. and hot Cheetos. and i think that's it. but my friend came over this morning (the poptart one) and she made bacon and when i looked at the package she said "you're going to eat some" matter of factly like that. so i had one strip (35) and some green tea and a cup of juice (110) and then the beach messed everything up.
oh and the friend that insists upon shoving food down my throat is the one that said i was "too fat to fit on the couch" i think shes purposefully fucking with my progress because she knows I'm getting thinner.
oh and my period finally stopped and the title is my new weight. its not what i was aiming for but its better than the 168 i was yesterday and all last week -_______- so its progress :D if I'm going to be able to make my goal I'm gonna need to do a hardcore fast. I'm hoping i can make it! wish me luck.
stay skinny <3
with love,
~~anamia~~
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