Salt Water Flush

This mornings weight wasn't too bad, which is good. But I still felt bloated and disgusting so I did a Salt Water Flush, (SWF) which is something I used to do when my ED got really out of control. It's supposed to clean out your system, literally. You take 1 tablespoon of sea salt and a liter of warm water and you mix it until the salt dissolves and then you drink it. It gives you the feeling of drowning out at sea, but hey it's effective that's for sure. Warning: It WILL make you feel bloated and sick and like you don't want to eat anything ever again (yay) and then within a half hour to an hour you're running to the restroom praying that you make it there in time. yes it's disgusting BUT it cleans you out, which is good after a particularly bad binge ya know? I would strongly STRONGLY advise against passing any kind of gas after drinking it, I recommend you avoid the world for the entire day, cause you do not know when you will need to go. There is no forewarning, it hits you like a bus and BAM you're either on a toilet or you shit yourself. 

Anyway, today went well. Did a sort of liquid fast, with the exception of a cup of rice. total cals for the day were 475. I'm thinking tomorrow could be ice water and some green tea, maybe some almond milk, pretty much a liquid fast. Maybe I should do a liquid fast until Saturday and then start the ABC again. I thought the ABC was actually pretty easy if I'm honest, the only thing that got to me was the fact that I couldn't do the whole "disordered" eating thing at my best friends house; let's call her Y. I actually feel really....fine? for right now. I mean I could have easily eaten a donut or the pie that's in the freezer but instead I had rice. I actually started craving ice water like 20 minutes ago, so I think I'm making some kind of progress. I'm not gonna be too hard on myself about last night, because after I ate all that I worked out like mad, and today I worked out like mad as well so it isn't too bad. 

OH and I forgot to mention that my mother told me that my thighs look THINNER ohmygosh. I am so happy, this is the kind of shit that motivates me to keep going. I WILL make it to my first GW dammit, and then I WILL make it to my second one, etc. I AM DETERMINED. the only ONLY person that could derail me right now is MYSELF, and I will NOT do that because I need this. I am tired of looking in the mirror and wishing that I could cut off all my fat. I am tired of hating how I look and having to wear a sweater to school even on the hottest day just because my back fat is so noticeable. I am tired of not feeling confident while having sex because my fat is showing (tmi.) Isn't it about time that we take fate into our own hands and step away from the fattening foods? Instead of eating that cheeseburger or those crisps, put it down and go for a 10 minute run. Do some sit ups instead of eating that chocolate. We let food control our lives, and that's no way to live. It's time to step up to the plate and do something instead of complain. I'm in it to win it, not to strike out. Let's do this. 

feeling highly motivated <3 div="" nbsp="">

~xoxo anamia~